22 April 2017

she's doing it for the internet

I had always wondered how it felt like to write an apology on your blog for not being able to post because you had other things going on or you weren't just feeling (this sentence feels offensive to me) or you probably didn't care anymore (even more offensive). I think writing an apology for that feels awfully sad, but I'm here to do that before I start writing the actual post. I'm sorry to everyone who's been a reader. It's a sad sad sad thing that I took a long break that wasn't planned. I'm back, I'm sorry and I'm full of words. This blog is alive.

My life, since the past year, has been turned upside down because of many reasons. Many of them were cool, some of them weren't exactly cool and a few of them were heartbreakingly sad. Internet is one of the coolest reason. I've been freelancing, making art, working for a magazine (ROOEKIEEE!!!) and enjoying a bit of online fame sometimes. Internet world is a part of my life now. Or my life sometimes.

It was probably my mother or a woman from the family who said she's doing it for the internet for the first time when I was taking my outfit's pictures and someone asked why I was doing it. I heard her words but I had absolutely no idea that those words were going to be the headline of my life. 

I like to say that I have an internet based life and I'm loud about it in public. It is kind of like building your home in one corner of the web world and I'm proud of it. It's something I created for me and I'm comfortable there. What I didn't know that people had the potential to be offended by it. And the phrase she's doing it for the internet would turn into something bitter.

I have done stuff just for the internet. Like drinking coffee one morning with highlighter all over my life and sitting on the grass in my backyard and the sun shining on my face, because it was world coffee day & because I was going to do a sponsored post for coffee. I bought a pair of shoes for pictures. I love them and wearing them feels like I can conquer the world but the thing is I bought them for my instagram. I made a cake on Zayn Malik's birthday that had his picture on it and it looked so bloody instagramable. IT WAS FOR THE INTERNET. I wished he could see it.  

 To me, it's not pretentious anymore. Sometimes, the line between my internet life and my ~real life~ ~offline life~ blurs and it's too bloody normal. It's 2017, I have an online job and I like to spend at least 3 hours scrolling through twitter & tumblr & pinterest. Like a very normal human being of our time. 

So when someone tells me "social media isn't real", it sounds funny. Everyone knows it is not. But here's a respectable fact that some people decided to create a world of their own in this big scary world of internet. I do things for internet. To post on my instagram, to write about it on my blog, to film it for my youtube. It's kind of a lifestyle to me, to people like me. 

Tip: Don't compare your own life to somebody's instagram feed. We're working too hard to make it aesthetically pleasing. Real life isn't about aesthetics and number of likes. It's about surviving and moving forward. Practice that.


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