8 November 2016

another f word

Future, I mean. It has become an easy thing, for me at least. It's coming anyway if it hasn't already. 
I've been thinking a lot about future. And then it occurred to me, shit!, I'm living in it. It's the future, everywhere. I'm a part of it, breathing in the future. Everything has been done, all the important people have said all the important things already, the days we're living in were predicted and designed by other people who lived centuries ago. And all this shit is making me feel very comfortable because I don't have to worry about this f word anymore. Welcome to future which isn't the future anymore. Well, scientifically.
I was going through my email, refreshing it after every 2 minutes, then jumping to check my twitter and then instagram, refreshing the pages to see how many people cared about me.I was wasting my life, minute by minute, click by click and per webpage. And I asked myself, DO I WANNA DO THIS? DO I WANNA CHECK THIS GODDAMN EMAIL BOX AGAIN? DO I WANNA CHECK THIS PERSON'S FACEBOOK POST FROM 2011? No I didn't. But I kept doing it anyway because there's no sense of responsibility left in me for time or future and it was so bloody terrifying for 3 seconds. Then I moved on. And if you & I collectively think about it, it is disturbing.

It's difficult to talk about "future" these days, it carries different meanings, different version for everyone. If I ever start talking about it when I'm surrounded by a group of women from my family, they'd just tell me that they know the future, at least mine. I'm gonna get married. Thank you.  And the story ends. So according to most of the women from my family, marriage is my future and then I am gonna die. Not that I mind, it's just a version of future predicted by housewives.
And then comes my childhood version of future, I imagined seeing girls in future with purple lipstick and silver jeans and short hair, flying cars on the sky. I'm the short haired girl with purple lipstick but I don't have the flying car. Nothing goes 200% as planned. But it's okay.
And if you want me to talk about the real real real future, like the coming week or the 2017, it's gonna be here anyway. It's sad to be this careless about it but future doesn't need my opinion, to be very honest. I like the way my past played me and the way present treats me but future is a mixture of theories and expectations. Expect anything, expect nothing, make it your own goddamn choice. It's a long dark alley and we aren't even sure when it's gonna end, all we know that there's light at the end of it so we are just going. and we're gonna keep going, it's the main rule.
What do you think about future?

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