25 November 2016

the archetype art kid's dream

Last week proved to be a series of small dreams coming true and experiences I'm 200% sure I will never forget. It's not everyday that you get to live a life you've always wanted to live and experience things that once seemed impossible. Me, my twin and a friend (Dear Maliha) arranged an art meet up and then went on a city tour, to see places we didn't know actually existed in Karachi.

The morning of the meet up, I was sitting with my backpack and donut in a small dunkin donuts branch and pretended to not care about life. Though I was more like a worried little kid and indeed cared about everything in this world and casually thought about all the things that could go wrong such as WHAT IF NO ONE SHOWS UP WHAT IF I RUIN EVERYTHING WHAT IF THIS DONUT IS POISONOUS things like that. I'm not very good at handling things that go inside my head, I have the potential to turn things into tragedies real quick.

None of my thoughts turned into real tragedies. 8 girls showed up and we had the best time ever. It was more like having a birthday in November (I was born in August). And the sight of all those art supplies, happy art kids on the floor and messy sketchbooks was the most glorious thing ever. It was heaven in a donuts shop. 

Our theme was "Inner Creature". And as I'm a profession fangirl, my art journal was Matty Healy + Halsey + space and flowers based. I didn't plan this entry, I never plan my entries but I only hoped it wouldn't be a mess. 
(Though initially, my glitter glue ruined one picture of Matty and I had to use this one. I don't trust glitter glues anymore. They might break your trust and heart anytime)

After 3 hours, we said good byes. And left to see Karachi unfiltered for the first time.

This tomb is the identification of Karachi, this is where the founder of Pakistan is buried. Last time I was here was 13 years ago. Things have changed since then, I have grown into too many different versions of myself but it's the same beautiful. It was hella nostalgic. 

~being a tourist in my own city~
~the city that doesn't love me back~
~the city that broke my heart~

I'll never say no to street food, no matter how many people say it's going to kill me someday.

And we were still out after the sun went down. It was impossible to think about roaming around the city after dark but we have careem now (which is the Asian version of uber) and having journies like this isn't hard anymore. We stopped at Burns Road, the biggest food street of Karachi. It was one of those places I wanted to see before I die. And I was there, too much alive.

This food street is an uncontrollable place. It's an old world meeting with the harsh new reality. Some of the shops are about 50 years old. The food is traditional and holy. And extremely affordable. I was emotional and overwhelmed and if I wasn't afraid of being seen by thousands of people, I'd cry loudly. Seeing the city I love being so alive and bright made me so happy I was almost out of my own control. 

Their isn't just food on the streets, there are old buildings and dead animals and fresh fruits stalls on the way as well. Our friend Priyanka knew all about the place and guided us through thebig wide streets.

We started from gol gappay. You can't miss gol gappay, it'd be a shame.

Then limka. I'd do anything to get a glass again.

We went to Karachi Haleem and I got their chicken biryani because there's NOTHING that I'd prefer over biryani. It's one single food that makes me forget my problems.

We got some paan and rabri. The shops were busy and colorful. It was another world.

And we got another careem to go back to our homes. Maybe the only reason this whole journey became possible was because of careem. Mainly because I was never brave enough before to go out, especially deep in the old city, after dark. But the whole city looked so familiar, no matter old and new parts of it, so like home, so bright, I couldn't complain. No matter what happens, I'll always fall in love with Karachi again and again. 
Have you ever tried to be a tourist in your own city?

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16 November 2016

zayn book x photo diary

Zayn recently launched his book called zayn. Now that he's known for being a shy moody narcissist, his book only spread more controversies about his existence. And I luckily got my copy after a few days of its release which is the biggest achievement in my fangirling life. I was never able to spend this much money on a celebrity-love of my life and even though this book ruined my financial condition, I'm so happy and completely obsessed with this book. I have never been to any of his concerts so I'm going to pretend that this book is my personal zayn concert.

This book is aesthetically pleasing and full of zayn's beautiful face. But there's one thing, I had a feeling that this book is very carefully written. Not that he didn't use a bad word because he did, but you don't get to know one BIG secret about his life. The religion section of this book consists of a few lines. It's just a collection of experiences and song notes and doodles and never seen before images. It's not surprising, he's never been good at opening about his life or what he actually thinks. So only buy this book if you're a dedicated fan or don't complain.

And I made this lil photo diary thing for the book because I told you I am completely obsessed.


Fangirling forever!

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8 November 2016

another f word

Future, I mean. It has become an easy thing, for me at least. It's coming anyway if it hasn't already. 
I've been thinking a lot about future. And then it occurred to me, shit!, I'm living in it. It's the future, everywhere. I'm a part of it, breathing in the future. Everything has been done, all the important people have said all the important things already, the days we're living in were predicted and designed by other people who lived centuries ago. And all this shit is making me feel very comfortable because I don't have to worry about this f word anymore. Welcome to future which isn't the future anymore. Well, scientifically.
I was going through my email, refreshing it after every 2 minutes, then jumping to check my twitter and then instagram, refreshing the pages to see how many people cared about me.I was wasting my life, minute by minute, click by click and per webpage. And I asked myself, DO I WANNA DO THIS? DO I WANNA CHECK THIS GODDAMN EMAIL BOX AGAIN? DO I WANNA CHECK THIS PERSON'S FACEBOOK POST FROM 2011? No I didn't. But I kept doing it anyway because there's no sense of responsibility left in me for time or future and it was so bloody terrifying for 3 seconds. Then I moved on. And if you & I collectively think about it, it is disturbing.

It's difficult to talk about "future" these days, it carries different meanings, different version for everyone. If I ever start talking about it when I'm surrounded by a group of women from my family, they'd just tell me that they know the future, at least mine. I'm gonna get married. Thank you.  And the story ends. So according to most of the women from my family, marriage is my future and then I am gonna die. Not that I mind, it's just a version of future predicted by housewives.
And then comes my childhood version of future, I imagined seeing girls in future with purple lipstick and silver jeans and short hair, flying cars on the sky. I'm the short haired girl with purple lipstick but I don't have the flying car. Nothing goes 200% as planned. But it's okay.
And if you want me to talk about the real real real future, like the coming week or the 2017, it's gonna be here anyway. It's sad to be this careless about it but future doesn't need my opinion, to be very honest. I like the way my past played me and the way present treats me but future is a mixture of theories and expectations. Expect anything, expect nothing, make it your own goddamn choice. It's a long dark alley and we aren't even sure when it's gonna end, all we know that there's light at the end of it so we are just going. and we're gonna keep going, it's the main rule.
What do you think about future?

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