12 September 2016

inside my head

I've always wanted to buy a black spraypaint and do graffiti but I couldn't. 

1) I didn't know where to buy black spraypaint and I worried WOULD AMMA LET ME BUY IT OR NAH 


I made this sign today and it says make art. This is something that's been echoing in my mind for many many many days. And there are other things in my mind as well, not all of them sound as good as make art. And one of them says YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIFE.

Many people romanticize a kid who is drawing and writing and fighting and not knowing where to go ahead all the time. And also, not knowing how to answer all the questions about future others sometimes ask. There are bands that might have written songs about it (have they??!!?) I mean, I'd totally write a book about on it if I ever get a chance but I don't want this to be my own life. A confused hard working art kid putting all of her energy somewhere that's not paying back much. And then a random person would stop, poke me in my shoulder and ask, "Did you sign up for a university yet?" And then I'd freak out. No I'm not going to university this year, thank you for reminding me.

I'm on a gap year and it's somehow so cold and not fun at all. Not that I mind not being a student, I appreciate it very much. It's just that life feels like it stopped somewhere and I'm the lonely planet in this huge and glorious milky way. There are stars everywhere, moving ahead while I just watch. I really wanna go ahead.

I'm not used to be stuck in the space, surrounded by stars, not moving ahead. Maybe I'm afraid I'll get used to being stuck in a place and it will all be normal for me to stay there. It's really scary though, really very scary. I hope it never happens, to me or to anybody in this world.

This was just one the horrible things that were going inside my mind. FEELS GOOD TO LET IT OUT THOUGH. I'll just go back and make art, don't worry.



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