26 May 2016

your future favorite piece of shit

This is going to be a tribute to everyone (especially me & me) who is stuck at the thought of WHAT IS THE FUTURE & HOW WE ARE GOING TO HANDLE IT?!? well, we're not going to handle it greatly and we're going to mess it up but it'll be so glorious at some points that you'll bloody love it. Don't worry, I know what I'll be and so will you in a few days.

I started my exams season rather annoyed, I don't like the sight of textbooks that are going to be no help for the future ahead. Obviously, Pakistan Studies makes me furious & Persian makes me want to cry. But they've filled my life with a purpose and I wake up early to worship my textbooks, even if I'm not paying much attention to them, still worshipping them because they're in my hands for a reason. But you know what's more important? WHAT THE HELL WOULD HAPPEN AFTER EXAMS? The answer is a gap year. Now it's totally up to me that what I will make out of the huge void in front of me. Will I be able to make it to the art university? Will I earn money to live decently? Will I get a dream job even if I'm just a v young person? Will I ever make my family proud? 

Honestly, I don't know and I don't want to know. The future planning is bullshit when you're young and the support system you need isn't there for you. 

What I am going to do is to try stuff. Things I am good at, things I'm not good at. I'll be a bloody legend in the family because my people don't try things. The things work like you can either do this or you can't. If it works out, YAY. If it doesn't work out, well it has to work out you bloody shame didn't we teach you anything?

 The youtube channel, the next big move to another city, more art and internet jobs: I'm going to try everything I can get my hands on. I have time, I am young and I can change the way things work. I will be a troubled creative kid and I will not settle for an easy degree. I'll make people angry and I'll be bad at answering the questions thrown at me about my future. But in the end, I'll be a glorious product of hard years.

So maybe this is what my actual plan is: to be the young rebel & a success (of god knows what) I can be a writer or the one who works at a magazine or the one who earns her living by art. But what I'm sure of is that I'll be known as the kid who didn't settle for a life everyone else did & got away with it due to internet fame and a lot of life experiences and money. I'll be the future favorite piece of shit of the family because I'll be the: goddammit this kid DID STUFF.

And if I fail (WHICH I HOPE I WON'T) I can always cry and complain how I hate everything on a phone call with my amma and pray and TRY AGAIN until I'm 30 or married or dead.

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