26 May 2016

your future favorite piece of shit

This is going to be a tribute to everyone (especially me & me) who is stuck at the thought of WHAT IS THE FUTURE & HOW WE ARE GOING TO HANDLE IT?!? well, we're not going to handle it greatly and we're going to mess it up but it'll be so glorious at some points that you'll bloody love it. Don't worry, I know what I'll be and so will you in a few days.

I started my exams season rather annoyed, I don't like the sight of textbooks that are going to be no help for the future ahead. Obviously, Pakistan Studies makes me furious & Persian makes me want to cry. But they've filled my life with a purpose and I wake up early to worship my textbooks, even if I'm not paying much attention to them, still worshipping them because they're in my hands for a reason. But you know what's more important? WHAT THE HELL WOULD HAPPEN AFTER EXAMS? The answer is a gap year. Now it's totally up to me that what I will make out of the huge void in front of me. Will I be able to make it to the art university? Will I earn money to live decently? Will I get a dream job even if I'm just a v young person? Will I ever make my family proud? 

Honestly, I don't know and I don't want to know. The future planning is bullshit when you're young and the support system you need isn't there for you. 

What I am going to do is to try stuff. Things I am good at, things I'm not good at. I'll be a bloody legend in the family because my people don't try things. The things work like you can either do this or you can't. If it works out, YAY. If it doesn't work out, well it has to work out you bloody shame didn't we teach you anything?

 The youtube channel, the next big move to another city, more art and internet jobs: I'm going to try everything I can get my hands on. I have time, I am young and I can change the way things work. I will be a troubled creative kid and I will not settle for an easy degree. I'll make people angry and I'll be bad at answering the questions thrown at me about my future. But in the end, I'll be a glorious product of hard years.

So maybe this is what my actual plan is: to be the young rebel & a success (of god knows what) I can be a writer or the one who works at a magazine or the one who earns her living by art. But what I'm sure of is that I'll be known as the kid who didn't settle for a life everyone else did & got away with it due to internet fame and a lot of life experiences and money. I'll be the future favorite piece of shit of the family because I'll be the: goddammit this kid DID STUFF.

And if I fail (WHICH I HOPE I WON'T) I can always cry and complain how I hate everything on a phone call with my amma and pray and TRY AGAIN until I'm 30 or married or dead.

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16 May 2016

be your own home

This past week, so many different people tried to tell me the same useless yet important thing: Child, be a good thing.

And it surely pisses me off.

I have exams to emotionally hurt me, I have dreams that are way too expensive for me, I have poems to write & a zine to publish - I don't have time to be any bloody thing.

Well, what actually happened is that I tried to return to a home which wasn't a building at all but it wasn't there where I left it and it made me very very very angry. 

In my imagination, my world was imperfectly normal. The kind of normal which is peaceful and I didn't have to worry about waking up early or late and I was aware of the fact that whenever I needed to feel like going back home, I can always go back. But holy crap, one day the home wasn't there for me anymore and it disturbed my entire existence.

And it made me feel haunted and grown up. Because now, I will have to find a way to be my own home and a person at the same time.

This shit is scary, trying to find a home in your own self. It's worth it in all possible ways but it's scary. It terrifies the hell out of me when I think that I am finally letting my favorite human beings go and starting all over. I wrote about it and it felt great and I'm trying to keep the balance but I'm just a kid who sometimes needs emotional support from internet & life looks hard at some point but I'm hella sure I'm going to make it. I'm going to be 19 soon and I'll laugh how pathetic things were when I was an 18 years old troubled person who just wanted to romanticize people and she wasn't even good at it.

I'm learning to be a home, my very own home so that I won't have to find it in other people who would want to leave at some point and I wouldn't be able to stop them. 

Be your own home, sweetheart.


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11 May 2016

what's on my mind

There are so many things going inside my head. And I need to pour them out on internet. 

Yesterday, Azealia Banks attacked at Zayn Malik on twitter. Celebrity fights are all fun and games until it turns offensive, not just to the targeted celebrity but to other people as well. She called him a curry scented bitch (& other v creatively offensive + racist things as well) but this hit the whole South Asian community. And then, desi twitter exploded. All of us tweeted our most glorious photographs under the hashtag #curryscentedbitch because we're hella gorgeous and our curry is the tastiest and we're proud of it and Azealia needed to see it. If she thinks that calling Zayn a curry scented Paki guy who was put into One Direction as a token of attention only would make her feel better about herself. she is out of her senses & needs help.

And above are my favorite desi women on internet.
Reva // Me  // Sharan // 

As exams are coming near, all I want is to spend my money on food and read more mystery novels while eating, go outside more, buy new plants and party. I think there's a disco ball stuck in my head, clearly misguiding me. This happens ever year, this is how I casually welcome my exams: by not studying until I HAVE to.

 I'm obsessed with Bajirao Mastani. I had an idea that this film is going to disturb all of my emotions and then stay in my mind for a long long long time and it happened. All I can think about is that how can people still fall in love?  How can someone not see that even we have developed everything, this version of our world in 2016 is so boring. Not that I want to go back (I'm extremely happy with my life in 21st century) but back in time, culture ran in peoples' blood and it was so glorious.  Also, it really annoys me that why don't we dress like the old times anymore? I'd kill for Mastani's wardrobe. 

Deewani Mastani is on repeat. 

And finally, I'm travelling around the world. In my head. I'm going to make a club called Broke Adventurous Kids for people like who love to travel but can't. The main purpose would be to highlight the emotional problems we face and how hard traveling magazines + wanderlust quotes are on us sometimes. Also, WHY AREN'T WE TRAVELING THE WORLD ALREADY?
What's on your mind?

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7 May 2016

Who you are, little lady?

Internet has taught me a lot. It taught me to accept things such as my very own self. And people on internet can be so bloody inspiring I CAN'T STOP MYSELF TO BE BETTER EVERYDAY. Little by little, I'm filling myself with good things. I've stuffed myself with a lot of art and poetry that there's no turning back for me. I can't look away from what I have turned into. I know exactly who I am right now.

I'm the scariest version of myself at this moment. I've never had this much freedom, this much creativity and this much confidence before. The girl I was in the past was the sweetest and was afraid of people like the current me. I am sure I'd have scared her so bad she would want to avoid me. I remember being scared of people who had plans, who had words, who knew what they are.

Every morning, I wake up with a void ahead of me but I don't mind. I don't think it's empty to haunt me but it's there to give me space, to grow, to expand my imagination in the spaces inside my head. I don't have to be the perfect daughter or everyone's favorite or an outstanding student but a human being making enough progress & tad bit of money for the basics.

I'm a creative person. People usually don't expect me to change the world. I think they're being selfish. They want me to do things that will change their world. My mother is okay with having  daughter who doesn't want a real job that will make her a real person. And this is all I had asked for. A creative life, a content mother, a brave me and lots of internet involved. 

And now, if someone asks me who I am and what I am doing with my life, I'm not going to be freaked out. I'd say I'm an internet warrior because I make money online and post funny videos on Youtube and write on my blog and be poetic and slay instagram. 

And it's absolutely fine.


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4 May 2016

#OhJournalEtc - May

It's May, it's May, it's May and it's the month which is supposed to freak me out because exams and summer. But I'm so calm it should scare me. I've started writing poetry again, working on my youtube channel which has gained 100+ subscribers already and spending more time creating stuff that makes me feel fierce. 

And I'm back with #ohjournaletc. The creative little community on instagram under the hashtag has been giving me so much energy, each entry gives me more power to make more art. 

This month's prompts are:
-Fictional character
-What's on your mind

For each prompt, think of link that connects you and the given prompt through art. For fictional character, think of all the characters you once felt an emotional touch with, characters that made you feel something and turn it into art.
What's on your mind is my favorite. I like turning my thoughts into art because it's easier and it makes me feel lighter. And I'm sure Ocean would bring all the feels for water and sand in me. Tides would call my name again and I'd be happily art journaling about it. 

Last, skin.

Today is #unfairandlovely day, a time to celebrate dark skins. Skin is mainly to celebrate your skin, your skin stories and art related it. I'm really excited for it because it's one topic I feel extremely attracted to. I have a troubled skin and I LOVE talking about it. Let's make art on it too.

Make art on the given prompts, post it with the hashtag #ohjournaletc on your instagram and explore others' entries. SNEAK INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S JOURNAL.

Last month's throwback.

A photo posted by Areeba Siddique (@ohareeba) on


A photo posted by Areeba Siddique (@ohareeba) on

A photo posted by Areeba Siddique (@ohareeba) on

I hope to see more journal entries, guys. Let me know if you're up for it. Let's make art together!


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1 May 2016

the art of letting a human go

Poetry by Rupi Kaur || my own picture
Warning: All the stuff in this post is 200% not romantic. I have other important people and issues in my life. 

Just a few months ago, I had to leave a really important person in my life behind and pack my bags and move on. I wrote that human being so many letters that are never going to be sent. 

Last week, after a long long long day, I was staring at the sky because according to my theory, a cloudless sky has all the answers. I stared at it and it stared at me back. Well, I found my answer.

The thing is, balance. 

Well I hate this bloody word because I never keep the balance in anything. I hate waking up early and going to bed early, I forget to drink a balanced amount of water or eat a balanced amount of food, I like my world out of control because I like to think of my life as a hurricane. Unpredictable, wild, poetic and taking no shit from anyone. But guys, balance.

My latest theory that I have developed to learn the art of letting a human go from my mind and life v peacefully, without a heartbreak and a long while of tantrums, is:

"Everyone that steps in your life or is from the very start has a part to play. Long or short, it depends. What nature does is to make that person play his/her part, get you what you're supposed to take from him/her. Don't be selfish, if he/she has already given you what you were supposed to take, let him/her go. Don't be greedy. Let it be love or attention or money or care or protection, anything. Let the person go. Don't ruin the balance. Don't think that the absence of that person is going to create a void in your existence, it'll only give you space to grow or to let someone else in. Don't fill your life with people that are supposed to leave, it'll make you suffocate on times you're supposed to be breathing. Let it counterbalance. And you are going to be perfectly fine, by the way."

I have lost a big amount of people in my life and this theory fits them all. It's great to know that all the human beings who had to leave were actually doing me a favor. 
And I thought of all the things I took from them made me the person I am today. A very important human being from the past taught me how to stand and I think I was supposed to fall when that person walked out on me but goddamn it! He had already taught me how to stand with my head high so I kept standing. God, I have spent so much time listening to lost & found after the incident. 

This is the art of letting a human go. Practice it if needed.

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