17 December 2016

sisters x sisters

It probably never occurred to my mother that I might turn into an internet obsessed psycho kid when she handed me a laptop a few years go and an internet connection. And last week when I was out in the city with other people to collaborate for a blog post, wearing an outfit based on a goddamn glorious moodboard with glitter under my eyes, chasing crazy cool walls in the city, I knew I was living the internet dreams of my bored high school self from 2011. And it felt great, for my-2011-self always needed emotional support and a future-self with glittery tears would have sounded like a relief to her. She wanted more of internet, while I'm living in it.

Me & my twin sister Noor collaborated with Amna & Atiya - a pair of sisters from The Good Life blog. And this collaboration included a mini tour of Karachi, fashion & food.

We decided to challenge each other with moodboards to make outfits on. Amna made a moodboard for me, I made one for Atiya, Noor made one for Amna and Atiya made one for Noor. 
\\ Me - Basic gothic mipster kid // 

// Noor - Kylie obsessed forever + pattern lover \\

// Atiya - brightest human being in love with museums \\

// Amna - the chic one + 2 cool 4 u \\

We started from Seaview (most essential place in Karachi) and then went to Roadside Cafe. This cafe has the coolest wall art I've ever seen. The walls are decorated with all of the important Pakistani stars and nostalgia kind of punches you in the stomach because some forgotten faces are there as well. I looked at the walls and I wanted to cry with happiness. Why I never went there before?

I first saw Troye Sivan wearing glittery tears and I was like LET'S DO WHAT TROYE DOES but I'm obsessed with them now. They are my way to say I'm 55% made of stardust and sea.

The Blogger Sisters.

And there we were, the blogger sisters, posing for Amna's camera which was set on a timer. And it felt perfect because a collaboration was possibly the best gift I could give to this blog before the year ended. Thanks to Amna and Atiya for making this possible, our blogs deserve much more creativity.

Then we made a trip to Chatterbox cafe for a lunch fix. This little cafe is so cozy and they have excellent food. 

It was such a nice weekend, again. God bless Karachi and internet.

How is life going, everyone?


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8 December 2016

do you ever think about death

I've been obsessing over the idea of "fear of death" lately. Growing up in a Muslim family where we're taught that death is just another form of future (in Muslim belief, this current life is just a short period of trial and the actual life starts after we die) I kind of stopped feeling anything about death. It is something that's supposed to happen one day, sometimes in horrible ways and sometimes in honorable ways. And in the frenzy of knowing more about how people think of death or other's dying , I started collecting death quotes. I came across Janne Teller's words, “From the moment we are born, we begin to die.” And it hard because HOLY SHIT we're simply running out of time but the only difference is that we don't know our clock. And The Book Thief made me see death as a sensible, hardworking, sad employee and I highlighted a good amount of death's words in my book. One line I can't forget, “It kills me sometimes, how people die.”

And then there's a quote from Matty Healy, the insane artist, the boy with uncontrollable hair and graceless walk: '"My biggest fear is death. The end of the Matty show.”

Maybe this is why many people politely refuse to imagine about death, what a pity to think about the ending of the great show. And this is the reason why many people make art, to linger around even when they can't anymore, to leave something behind to be a little close to staying alive when they're not.

And below is an example of what went in my mind a few days ago when I was talking to Matty Healy in my imagination. He's known for a suicide he hasn't committed. After Halsey's song Colors, we're afraid he might take his life to get a place in the 27 Club. Though he has said countless times that he isn't going to kill himself but you can't trust Matty. 

I had a feeling that he wouldn't want to discuss death because he's afraid of it so our topic was dead people. Dead people of Areeba's life.

Me: Dear Matty, what a great time in my head. Thank you for coming, let's start.

Matty Healy: Hi.

Me: That's a nice question. I think about death a great deal. not that I am suicidal or anything. Death only makes me feel guilty that one day I am going to die and embarrass myself in front of angels and God Himself. You know, they ask questions about religion and prayers and I haven't done very well in all of it. I'm not even making better progress. My only hope is my mother praying for me when I'm gone. Else I am going to be in a great trouble for the rest of the eternity. My grave will be flowerless. The hell before hell.

MH: It's weird you think about it, I don't casually give death much of a thought unless it's for a song or when someone gives me a death threat. 


MH: Because I'm exactly the kind of person people give death threats to


Me: ...................................

Me: You're way too controversial. It'd have been a shame if you hadn't gotten them in the first place.

MH: This is why it doesn't bother me anymore, I'm quite deserving. Worked very well for it. 

Me: Yeah.

MH: No more talk about your future death.
MH: Maybe some stories about dead people would work.
MH: No suicides. 

Me; I don't know much about real dead people, honestly. My grandmother died in a hospital hundreds of miles away from me, I was probably asleep at that time. Her death was the most real to me, my first time to lose an actual family member. But I didn't go to her funeral. I don't go to funerals. Not that they're depressing or anything. I just kind of go senseless there, I can't cry and it makes me feel guilty (death brings me guilt!?!?) I kind of force myself to cry if I ever end up going there and it makes me even more guilty that I can't bring one single tear to my eyes, not even forcefully, for a freshly dead human. So I try my best to avoid all of the funerals. But if you want to know more about fictional or popular dead people, I won't be a disappointment.

MH: Nice, just don't go mental. okay?

Me: Alright. Starting from Addams family. They give me hope to be a happy family, but first we all need to be dead (maybe this is the only way??!??) And my friends tell me that I'm Wednesday Addams, with shorter hair. I sometimes feel like that too. I fee like the way too religious version Wednesday Addams, born in the wrong era, in the wrong house and way more alive.

Then comes Benazir Bhutto, have you heard of her? She was the first ever female prime minister of Pakistan. Her murder changed my whole life. If it wasn't for her murder, I'd be a successful political science student, doing rebellious things in college, being arrested by women police for creating a chaos, proudly ruining my youth for politics, getting punched in the nose and bringing revolution . But she died 9 years ago by a bullet and ruined my career. Now I'm a purposeless teen hanging in a dark void with no aim to achieve in life.

ME: It's crazy, how did a dead woman ruin so much for you so easily? 

Me: The thing is, I was a politics-obsessed 10 years old that time. I thought I knew politics . I'd watch dozens of political talk shows and NEVER miss 9pm's news bulletin. I had memorized the names of all of our ministers and politicians of that time and kept track of what each political party was doing. I thought I knew where the politics of our country was going. A huge misunderstanding, obviously.

 So when Benazir Bhutto came back to Pakistan after years of exile, people went crazy. I knew she was going to flip the political game & win the elections and become our prime minister again. Her debates were fire. She was winning the game. She was supposed to be the winner but she was killed instead. A bullet killed her when she was meeting her supporters after another successful address in Karachi. She simply died. And that day, my grandfather told me that politics is just a dirty business, you can't know what's going to happen because it's not your game. And then my life shattered into pieces, I was so bitter that day. I was an honest kid and politics was too dirty, too hard, I couldn't play anymore. So I eliminated my intentions to be a part of any political shit from that moment in my life.  I haven't paid much attention to politics since then. A dead woman broke my heart and my life ambition, ta da!

MH: Anything else?

MH: It wasn't me but I'm still deeply sorry to you. I was actually asking for more stories.

Me: As if I don't know you, you live in my head for a reason. Anyway, here's another one. It's about Umar Jahangir. He's a character from an emotionally disturbing yet my most favorite novel (Amarbail) He dies in the very last chapter. I've never gotten over him.

MH: What's so special about this dead man?

Me: He's not your archetype hero or a villain. He's a hybrid of both. At one point you'd want to punch him in the face and in the next moment you'd want to rescue his broken nose and take care of him. He's a fool. Umar Jahangir is a fool. And he does everything to destroy himself. It's so painful to see something so regal being destroyed by insanity. He was born in a powerful family with troubled DNA. And did everything he shouldn't have done Plus he fell in love, which was the end of him.

MH: Sounds like me, I'm just more alive than him.

Me: You don't live in a book.

MH: I'm a fake, there's news on internet. I might be from a book.

Me: We all are pretentious shits, don't worry.

MH: Back to Umar?

Me: Right, when he dies (again, a bullet) I thought it was some kind of a joke because this meant I read 800+ pages just to find him dead in the end. If I could, I would totally pull him out of the book and assure him that he's safe now. Not even that goddamn writer can hurt him (not the goddamn writer, I love her so much, I'm just mad at her sometimes) I want her to write a sequel where she reveals that Umar faked his own death.

MH: But it'll never happen.

Me: Thanks for the hope.

MH: You're obsessed with dead people, is it healthy?

Me: My obsession with alive people isn't helping me either.

MH: Right!


It ends here. It's a work of pure fiction because I don't know if Matty actually got any death threats (he might have, he's got reputation) Thanks for reading, it got a little long.

Do you ever think about death?


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25 November 2016

the archetype art kid's dream

Last week proved to be a series of small dreams coming true and experiences I'm 200% sure I will never forget. It's not everyday that you get to live a life you've always wanted to live and experience things that once seemed impossible. Me, my twin and a friend (Dear Maliha) arranged an art meet up and then went on a city tour, to see places we didn't know actually existed in Karachi.

The morning of the meet up, I was sitting with my backpack and donut in a small dunkin donuts branch and pretended to not care about life. Though I was more like a worried little kid and indeed cared about everything in this world and casually thought about all the things that could go wrong such as WHAT IF NO ONE SHOWS UP WHAT IF I RUIN EVERYTHING WHAT IF THIS DONUT IS POISONOUS things like that. I'm not very good at handling things that go inside my head, I have the potential to turn things into tragedies real quick.

None of my thoughts turned into real tragedies. 8 girls showed up and we had the best time ever. It was more like having a birthday in November (I was born in August). And the sight of all those art supplies, happy art kids on the floor and messy sketchbooks was the most glorious thing ever. It was heaven in a donuts shop. 

Our theme was "Inner Creature". And as I'm a profession fangirl, my art journal was Matty Healy + Halsey + space and flowers based. I didn't plan this entry, I never plan my entries but I only hoped it wouldn't be a mess. 
(Though initially, my glitter glue ruined one picture of Matty and I had to use this one. I don't trust glitter glues anymore. They might break your trust and heart anytime)

After 3 hours, we said good byes. And left to see Karachi unfiltered for the first time.

This tomb is the identification of Karachi, this is where the founder of Pakistan is buried. Last time I was here was 13 years ago. Things have changed since then, I have grown into too many different versions of myself but it's the same beautiful. It was hella nostalgic. 

~being a tourist in my own city~
~the city that doesn't love me back~
~the city that broke my heart~

I'll never say no to street food, no matter how many people say it's going to kill me someday.

And we were still out after the sun went down. It was impossible to think about roaming around the city after dark but we have careem now (which is the Asian version of uber) and having journies like this isn't hard anymore. We stopped at Burns Road, the biggest food street of Karachi. It was one of those places I wanted to see before I die. And I was there, too much alive.

This food street is an uncontrollable place. It's an old world meeting with the harsh new reality. Some of the shops are about 50 years old. The food is traditional and holy. And extremely affordable. I was emotional and overwhelmed and if I wasn't afraid of being seen by thousands of people, I'd cry loudly. Seeing the city I love being so alive and bright made me so happy I was almost out of my own control. 

Their isn't just food on the streets, there are old buildings and dead animals and fresh fruits stalls on the way as well. Our friend Priyanka knew all about the place and guided us through thebig wide streets.

We started from gol gappay. You can't miss gol gappay, it'd be a shame.

Then limka. I'd do anything to get a glass again.

We went to Karachi Haleem and I got their chicken biryani because there's NOTHING that I'd prefer over biryani. It's one single food that makes me forget my problems.

We got some paan and rabri. The shops were busy and colorful. It was another world.

And we got another careem to go back to our homes. Maybe the only reason this whole journey became possible was because of careem. Mainly because I was never brave enough before to go out, especially deep in the old city, after dark. But the whole city looked so familiar, no matter old and new parts of it, so like home, so bright, I couldn't complain. No matter what happens, I'll always fall in love with Karachi again and again. 
Have you ever tried to be a tourist in your own city?

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16 November 2016

zayn book x photo diary

Zayn recently launched his book called zayn. Now that he's known for being a shy moody narcissist, his book only spread more controversies about his existence. And I luckily got my copy after a few days of its release which is the biggest achievement in my fangirling life. I was never able to spend this much money on a celebrity-love of my life and even though this book ruined my financial condition, I'm so happy and completely obsessed with this book. I have never been to any of his concerts so I'm going to pretend that this book is my personal zayn concert.

This book is aesthetically pleasing and full of zayn's beautiful face. But there's one thing, I had a feeling that this book is very carefully written. Not that he didn't use a bad word because he did, but you don't get to know one BIG secret about his life. The religion section of this book consists of a few lines. It's just a collection of experiences and song notes and doodles and never seen before images. It's not surprising, he's never been good at opening about his life or what he actually thinks. So only buy this book if you're a dedicated fan or don't complain.

And I made this lil photo diary thing for the book because I told you I am completely obsessed.


Fangirling forever!

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