7 December 2015

Instagram once ruined me emotionally


I still remember the time I fell in love with instagram: the time I had no smart device and I had 0 idea how apps worked. I just knew instagram was a pretty thing and people loved it, my favorite bloggers loved it and I had read good things about it. One of the biggest reason I bought a tablet was in hope to get introduced to instagram. Well I did and my account was really shitty in the start because I instagrammed everything I found pretty i.e socks, an orange, kids, flowers because WASN'T IT WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO? But then I saw fancy instagram accounts and I was shocked because they were so pretty and my heart was broken. Obviously I couldn't take pretty photos. I was a kid and I had crappy camera. I left instagram, by this I mean I stopped using it for a while.

Then I came back. I started taking better photos and almost lived with it. I got a better camera (the kid upgraded from a tablet to an ipod) and my basic tumblr aesthetic helped. Then I started taking even better photos. Then even better. I became a serious instagrammer who took vvv pretty pictures. Until one day, I discovered there were even prettier instagram accounts.
I didn't leave. I worked even harder, people told me my pictures were pretty, creative and tumblry. It made me happy but it made me sad too. Because, I don't know I should have been happy, I didn't have SO many followers and slikes so I simply thought they were just ....... trying to make me happy because I spend too much time setting my photos? This, right there, is called self doubt. And guess what, this isn't even the worst part. The worst part is, numbers. The moment I started taking numbers seriously, very seriously, that it became toxic. 

And then, came a point that changed my life completely months ago. "Life changing" is a big word and I mean it here because instagram once ruined me emotionally and it was hard to get over the fact my pictures didn't get at least a 100 likes and I had less than 1000 followers in total because what's the point of running a little creative instagram account if people aren't obsessed with me? Right? 

It happened when I worked really hard on a picture and it got so many likes and people told me they love what I create and it brought me a lot of followers and happiness and I was so happy to see my little account growing and then it struck, it struck hard to realize that having many likes on a picture or more followers on my account didn't do a single benefit to me. I still was running out of cash, I still had to travel for hours to the city for basic things as shopping, my crush still didn't develop a crush on me back, my skin was still the shittiest, the sun outside was still mad at us for god knows why and I still didn't have a gorgeous life. 
So this is the simplest explanation of how numbers aren't going to do any good to me. I'd highly advice to you guys and myself to stay away from the madness instagram or any other social media account might bring to us. Stay safe on internet, don't hurt yourself emotionally. The numbers are both beautiful & poisonous at the same time. 

 BUT I STILL LOVE INSTAGRAM SO MUCH AND I AM STILL OBSESSED OKAY GUYS I AM JUST A VVV BASIC NORMAL HUMAN BEING WHO LIKES TAKING PHOTOS. God, I was shouting in my mind. I'm ohareeba on instagram if you want to have a look.

Are you an instagram lover?

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8 comments:

  1. Haha,my Instagram obsession begin the same way! I used to participate in monthly challenges and that helped me in growing. 😊 Numbers aren't to be taken seriously, just do your thaaang! You are love wese.

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  2. Instagram sure is love! BUT [big but] whatever I do in cyberspace is for the goodness of my soul. Even if 1 person sees, reads, and likes my work I feel I have made a difference - delivered the message. I am pretty anti-social and my adventures are always solitary [there is a family watching over like a sentinel always of course, never alone] but there are no real friends around me. So it has never been about the numbers for me since the beginning. Instagram inspires creativity and yes it makes me push the envelope and take gorgeous pictures! You take amazing photos. I am obsessed with the fairy lights you sisters have. Mine have a nasty green/black wire and I am looking for a transparent one. Yes! Instagram makes me spend money because I need pretty little bits but i keep it real! You're doing great!

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  3. Aw, this was a cute post. I agree with you, it can get easy to become obsessed with numbers on Instagram. I try not to think about it too much but I can't deny that I get excited when a photo gets a significant amount of likes. It's that self-validation, you know? But eventually, something will replace Instagram and we'll all have something else to obsess about!

    coffeeslag

    COFFEESLAG Crafted Taste Box

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  4. What an introspective post, Areeba! Instagram is such a strange social media platform because it can be utilized in so many ways as I've come to realize. And in a way, I understand what you went through.

    I decided to use Instagram 'properly' this year, and upped my aesthetic game and switched to a public account than a private one. Certainly, it has increased my following and it's fun to play around and make pretty pictures.

    But at the same time, it is a 'first world problem,' that makes me down when I see other people's feed and compare myself to them even if I shouldn't. Heck, I still delete photos that don't hit a specific target and overall use Instagram analytically and personally.

    In that way, taking out the emotions and feelings of Instagram and viewing it analytically than an actual way to get nice feels, makes Instagram fun for me. But that's cause I'm a weirdo, and not a stable human being.

    <3

    xx Bash | Hey Bash | bloglovin'

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  5. I had the same issue, in the end instagram became something that made me choose aesthetics and the good opinion of other people over my own creativity, i left a few months ago and i don't plan on ever going back, the same with pinterest but that was for other reasons. Essentially the only social media i have is twitter and my blog, because everything else somehow manages to stress me out because i'm a weirdo like that haha! But I'm glad you're at a point where you are enjoying instagram more than you were before, and just remember, your creativity is ultimately there to please YOU, not other people xx much love, safah - oh,how i wander.

    [ ohowiwander.wordpress.com ]

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  6. This is an amazing post! I agree that social media apps and sites like Instagram can be so much fun, but a lot of people do let the numbers and comments get to them. It's important to stay grounded when online, and to remind yourself what's truly important!

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