I still remember the time I fell in love with instagram: the time I had no smart device and I had 0 idea how apps worked. I just knew instagram was a pretty thing and people loved it, my favorite bloggers loved it and I had read good things about it. One of the biggest reason I bought a tablet was in hope to get introduced to instagram. Well I did and my account was really shitty in the start because I instagrammed everything I found pretty i.e socks, an orange, kids, flowers because WASN'T IT WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO? But then I saw fancy instagram accounts and I was shocked because they were so pretty and my heart was broken. Obviously I couldn't take pretty photos. I was a kid and I had crappy camera. I left instagram, by this I mean I stopped using it for a while.
Then I came back. I started taking better photos and almost lived with it. I got a better camera (the kid upgraded from a tablet to an ipod) and my basic tumblr aesthetic helped. Then I started taking even better photos. Then even better. I became a serious instagrammer who took vvv pretty pictures. Until one day, I discovered there were even prettier instagram accounts.
I didn't leave. I worked even harder, people told me my pictures were pretty, creative and tumblry. It made me happy but it made me sad too. Because, I don't know I should have been happy, I didn't have SO many followers and slikes so I simply thought they were just ....... trying to make me happy because I spend too much time setting my photos? This, right there, is called self doubt. And guess what, this isn't even the worst part. The worst part is, numbers. The moment I started taking numbers seriously, very seriously, that it became toxic.
And then, came a point that changed my life completely months ago. "Life changing" is a big word and I mean it here because instagram once ruined me emotionally and it was hard to get over the fact my pictures didn't get at least a 100 likes and I had less than 1000 followers in total because what's the point of running a little creative instagram account if people aren't obsessed with me? Right?
It happened when I worked really hard on a picture and it got so many likes and people told me they love what I create and it brought me a lot of followers and happiness and I was so happy to see my little account growing and then it struck, it struck hard to realize that having many likes on a picture or more followers on my account didn't do a single benefit to me. I still was running out of cash, I still had to travel for hours to the city for basic things as shopping, my crush still didn't develop a crush on me back, my skin was still the shittiest, the sun outside was still mad at us for god knows why and I still didn't have a gorgeous life.
So this is the simplest explanation of how numbers aren't going to do any good to me. I'd highly advice to you guys and myself to stay away from the madness instagram or any other social media account might bring to us. Stay safe on internet, don't hurt yourself emotionally. The numbers are both beautiful & poisonous at the same time.
Are you an instagram lover?