30 December 2015

To create is to destroy

The head scarf thing with sequins that I'm wearing is handmade. I started making it months ago and recently completed it. It turned out better than I expected because it was just my mother's ruined headscarf and she might have told me to give up on it. 

I bought a wreck this journal - the first page says to create is to destroy and this is the most motivating thing I've read in a long long time.

Though it took me a minute to fully understand what this sentence was proposing. Not just destruction but beautiful destruction. The kind of destruction that build creative human beings.

 I see people like me who surround themselves with imagination and books and paint and find homes in things that are not buildings. And then I see others telling me and people like me to go back to the real world but we still are in the real world, the creative minds aren't in the space or out of the planet, we live here too, we breathe the same air, we just have different visions. It feels more like an accusation to me when someone tells me to come back to the reality. I'm in the reality, if I draw stuff sometimes doesn't mean I live in my sketchbook pages.

Creating stuff means a lot to me. It makes me feel powerful, like a person who can do things, who can make progress, who can create a little thing of beauty. And for me, artsy creations are a way to destroy the doubts of artists in the society made up of people with money and or imaginary money or wanted money or everything that includes money, to be sure of their abilities and everything they can do. Create to destroy doubts & create to survive.

Let's create and destroy. And find beauty in it.

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28 December 2015

What have you done to me, 2015?

It's almost 2016 and 2015 will soon be a history, people will remember as it went for them. Good, bad, worse, THE WORST or maybe magical. I woke up today and did a dramatic realization in my mind that how many things have changed this year so far: 
I moved to a town that I never liked and found the freedom and happiness I craved for too long. I cut my hair too short that my amma nearly skipped a few heart beats. I turned my instagram into a glorious little thing. I failed my goodreads challenge but I read more books than the previous year.
I adopted a cactus. I bought a wreck this journal and got it in a mail today (YAYOMGYAY)

And then, I realized, 2015 had been a true enemy, the kind of enemy you don't mind to have. An enemy that destroys gracefully and leaves you with an awe. This is my relationship with an almost gone year. 

Also, I will always remember 2015as the year that turned me into a "grow up" person since I turned 18 this year and got a real job for a week and travelled a lot that my 2013 year self could die of surprise and shock. I felt older, maybe more than 18, at some points. This year, I felt stronger and weaker at the same time, so I can say that this year made me feel a human who has responsibilities and abilities and someone who can make mistakes and live with them. 

So, looking back at 2015, it brought a lot of beautiful mail packages and heart breaks and bad habits and good intentions and a lot of struggle and a heck lot progress.

-I survived the 7 months with this song called Blank Space which I'm sure the best thing Taylor Swift did to me, 200% sure actually.

-Create was my word for 2015 and I actually nailed it, I've created more stuff and journl pages than I have done. I also turned my backpack into a little tumblr blog (its drawing is attached on the page)

How was your 2015?

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25 December 2015

Are you unsuccessful?

This title might be too attractive, but it might be worth being unsuccessful.

It all started when I tried hard to be successful, it went great, until it didn't. 

I grew up observing all the successful people and tried to be motivated. But I realized I wasn't really motivated, it was fun seeing them grow and be more successful and all, but it was just them, growing even better and I was just, I don't know, just watching them.

And after all those years of experimenting with successes and not-successes, I realized I don't get what motivation actually is when it comes to watching nd learning from famous successful people. I mean, it's amazing to hear their stories and struggles and things they've been through. It's all cool. But. Seeing others successful isn't always motivating, it's envious too. It was awful to admit it publically first, but it is no more. Because it doesn't matter anymore.

What I find motivating is being unsuccessful attempts at things. What it means to me is this: At least you tried. At least you wanted to do it, you tried your best, you tried to make progress, you tried to do something, you tried to change something, you tried, at least you tried, you are still trying. This means more than anything to me. 

This is what unsuccessful people/things/project look like to me. A symbol of someone's trying and falling really down, maybe they'll try it again and again and again and they'll rise. It only takes a few more attempts and a few drops of bravery. It excites me to see all the unsuccessful attempts to be something. Because this is I'm right now, a work in progress, failing and trying, failing and trying. Like an incomplete building, maybe a little wrecked too, maybe I don't look as good as I am designed to be. A failure of an architect. But I hope I build myself according to the best design in my head, it will take time and more courage and more wreckage but I hope it will be worth it.

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22 December 2015

Johnny Depp's photos might do something good to the world

I spent hours on internet to find + edit Johnny Depp's rare images (to me, at least)  The beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Johnny Depp. Each bone perfectly carved. I've already seen some of his movies 1000 times, I'm making a list of all of his old movies to watch, to see him in his youth, all of his beautifully moving atoms on the screen.

And in between doing all that, I realized that internet is making me do weird stuff with my life. Im under my balnket, my toes are freezing, I'm collecting photographs of a man who's real old now, planning to publish it on my blog and not planning to do something productive with my life. But then I relized, it is productive. The world would get to see his beautiful face wrapped round my doodles and edits and my fancy words and some of you might whisper how good this is doing to you, watching his face. Because I can guarantee that his face is inspiring, to make you do great stuff. 

I'll leave you with it.

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15 December 2015

Life of a bloggurl

Waking up in the morning/afternoon/evening/basically-whenever-I-wake-up, I check my emails first. It's a ritual since the bloggurl life started. And it's one of those golden unwritten rules: Never. Not. Check. Your. Emails.

Things change when you have a blog. It's like living two lives, in a good way, not a secret psychotic killer in disguise way. I like it more than the lives inside my head (this comes from fandoms of tv shows & a lot of reading) because it's almost real. The friends that come with it, the stuff that you sometimes get & the attention and appreciation that comes your way. 

So, from checking emails, going gaga over topics you want to blog about, making blog planners, meeting new bloggers through emails and chats, buying new products cos you saw it on a blog OR YOU SIMPLY WANNA BLOG ABOUT IT, everything in between. I want that. I want to hear from you about the life of a bloggurl YOU are living. This is why I have decided to make it the topic for the new issue of Bloglanders.
Write about it, maybe draw, or just babble about your bloggurl life and send it to me. I'll pile everything in our little blog zine. If you haven't checked, here are the previous 2 zine issues.

Can't wait to see what y'all come up with, my creative bloggurls!
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11 December 2015

Art Journal: The Feels Edition

I've finally started doing my art journal. But this time, it's themed. I'm more into writing my life stories through my artwork rather than just let them live inside my head. It's really good for my head (because it's tangled and irritating sometimes) And these pages are for all the things that made me feel something in these past days. Karachi, Taylor Swift and a very basic loser crush.

Karachi City
I am hopelessly in love with Karachi, the city holds my heart, along with all the flaws and blood this city has on itself. The reckless & most important kid of Pakistan, Karachi it is. Shehre Yaran: the city of friend/lover/someone-you-love, as I call it because it literally it is. City of everyone & everything I love.

Wildest Dreams - Taylor Swift
This song is my newest obsession. Taylor has a way of making me feel good about my terrible life decisions, this is why our (one sided) bond is growing stronger & stronger by each passing album she releases. Thank you v much.

I've never realized that water painting can be so addictive. It really is. I can't stop painting everywhere, on my journal and blank pages and used old notebooks and on newspaper. Also, I'm running out of  black paint because it is my favorite color and I cover everything with black. It makes things look good.

Basic Crush Feels
I found a cute human being, capable of being the basic loser, who will do no good to me and I'll probably end up writing a poem as a good bye without him ever knowing so yes, hi boy you'll never know I liked you once so carry on with your life.

And the rest of my art journal, I don't know what I'm doing, but at least I pretend to know what I'm doing with my creativity so good luck to me with it. 

Do you keep an art journal?

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7 December 2015

Instagram once ruined me emotionally

I still remember the time I fell in love with instagram: the time I had no smart device and I had 0 idea how apps worked. I just knew instagram was a pretty thing and people loved it, my favorite bloggers loved it and I had read good things about it. One of the biggest reason I bought a tablet was in hope to get introduced to instagram. Well I did and my account was really shitty in the start because I instagrammed everything I found pretty i.e socks, an orange, kids, flowers because WASN'T IT WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO? But then I saw fancy instagram accounts and I was shocked because they were so pretty and my heart was broken. Obviously I couldn't take pretty photos. I was a kid and I had crappy camera. I left instagram, by this I mean I stopped using it for a while.

Then I came back. I started taking better photos and almost lived with it. I got a better camera (the kid upgraded from a tablet to an ipod) and my basic tumblr aesthetic helped. Then I started taking even better photos. Then even better. I became a serious instagrammer who took vvv pretty pictures. Until one day, I discovered there were even prettier instagram accounts.
I didn't leave. I worked even harder, people told me my pictures were pretty, creative and tumblry. It made me happy but it made me sad too. Because, I don't know I should have been happy, I didn't have SO many followers and slikes so I simply thought they were just ....... trying to make me happy because I spend too much time setting my photos? This, right there, is called self doubt. And guess what, this isn't even the worst part. The worst part is, numbers. The moment I started taking numbers seriously, very seriously, that it became toxic. 

And then, came a point that changed my life completely months ago. "Life changing" is a big word and I mean it here because instagram once ruined me emotionally and it was hard to get over the fact my pictures didn't get at least a 100 likes and I had less than 1000 followers in total because what's the point of running a little creative instagram account if people aren't obsessed with me? Right? 

It happened when I worked really hard on a picture and it got so many likes and people told me they love what I create and it brought me a lot of followers and happiness and I was so happy to see my little account growing and then it struck, it struck hard to realize that having many likes on a picture or more followers on my account didn't do a single benefit to me. I still was running out of cash, I still had to travel for hours to the city for basic things as shopping, my crush still didn't develop a crush on me back, my skin was still the shittiest, the sun outside was still mad at us for god knows why and I still didn't have a gorgeous life. 
So this is the simplest explanation of how numbers aren't going to do any good to me. I'd highly advice to you guys and myself to stay away from the madness instagram or any other social media account might bring to us. Stay safe on internet, don't hurt yourself emotionally. The numbers are both beautiful & poisonous at the same time. 

 BUT I STILL LOVE INSTAGRAM SO MUCH AND I AM STILL OBSESSED OKAY GUYS I AM JUST A VVV BASIC NORMAL HUMAN BEING WHO LIKES TAKING PHOTOS. God, I was shouting in my mind. I'm ohareeba on instagram if you want to have a look.

Are you an instagram lover?

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5 December 2015

Love Affair With December

It's December all around. Wicked, windy and wonderful. It's been my favorite  for years, for no particular reason. I was born in August, I don't celebrate Christmas, none of my crushes have birthdays in December. It's more like I woke up years ago and I decided to make it my favorite month and write about it. Quaid e Azam, the father of Pakistani nation was born on 25th December but I don't think this is my point. It's just that I like when it's cold outside and Decemeber is the nicest month which is cold and allows me to wear nice sweaters and jackets. Another point might be I heard Back To December by Taylor Swift back then, the time she still cried over famous boys (now it's famous boys' turn to cry over her, ta da) and my love for December grew because I love Taylor & I LOVED the song (yes in all capital letters). It was probably 2011 and I was still a baby.

Last year, we bought One Direction's cd on a midnight roadtrip and played Story Of My Life for more than once. I fell in love with the song, the night, the boys (1D obv) and well, December again. But the fact that the worst person paid for the cd still pisses me off.

And this year, I'm an independent bright woman (I like calling myself that) and I finally realized loving December is a metaphor for me. I fell in love with a cold thing, just like the past hearts I've loved. Cold things are my personal favorites, December, pop sicles and cold hearts. This is the December mystery.

What's your favorite month and WHY? Anyone else deeply and madly in love with December?
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