Life changes are good. Until they take something away from you. Well, I feel like my writing's gone, really far.
The thing is, I feel like I can't write. Not counting those diary entries, secret letters or ranting. I used to write poems and stories and fanfics. I can't even think of random stuff to write about now, like those moments when I'd just open my cupboard and something will remind me of a day or a scent will make feel something and I'll just be like YEAH I CAN COMPOSE A POEM ON IT and mold my memory into words. Beautiful words. I'm losing touch with myself. And it is very sad.
It is not a common writer's block, it's the big bitch writing block. Maybe this is what moving away from the city you've always loved does to you. Or my mind is being lazy. Or it is on vacations (BUT IT ISN'T EVEN WINTER YET) Or maybe I'm just being ungrateful to those diary entries and not counting them under "real writing" and I should remember Anne Frank's diary is a famous book now. I hope the reference makes sense.
Can you see this look on my face? This is what I want to look. I wish the ink would fill my eyes and turn gold because of my vision and everything only I can see. And when I would cry, it would go down on the paper and would turn into something glorious. Because I get frustrated when I can't write such lines which sound beautiful to me or at least make me feel something. Can I still call myself a writer? WAS I EVER ONE? Self doubt alert. SELF DOUBT ALERT.
I think this is the time I should start writing absurd things that don't talk back to me. Maybe I should just leave my words as they come out, no matter if they don't sound beautiful. Maybe it's just their wish to stay ugly to me to remind that beautiful or not, they're mine.
I hope they come back to me or I find my way back to them. I'm happy in both ways.
NOW PEOPLE. IT IS YOUR TURN TO WRITE!
All of us have done lil crazy stuff just because we had to BLOG about it. I've done the craziest looks that I never thought I'd be pulling off at ANY point of my life but I did because blaaahg. So write something your blog made you do, take a picture of it or you can even use old photographs, draw something and send them over to be a part of the zine next month!
If you haven't checked bloglanders issue #1, check it here.