6 June 2015

For the first time in life I didn't care for a single thing

I'm soon to be turned 18 yet my 17 years old self felt like 37 sometimes. Too young to be this old, right? Well the problem is, I took my life way too seriously.

Growing up, I was the politics-obsessed-kid who liked talking to to elders about how to save the country. Later I realized that politics is just a big dirty game I should NOT get involved in. Or I'd work on how to keep people around me happy because I had the job of being the sweetest human being in home. In short, I was always worried caring about stuff that had 0% concern with my own life. The only good thing about it is that it's the story of past. 

It's 2015 and this has been one of the most glorious year of my existence so far. Because it has totally turned me upside down. If I was my old self, I'd have hated this year because the truth is it's been the worst year if I see it the other way. It's been hard on my emotion, self esteem and etc etc the list is long. But yet, IT BUILT ME. It built me into my ideal self who screw standards and doesn't care.  When everything goes wrong, there's always one single powerful that comes out right. That thing is ME. I've a messed up life yet a powerful self.

Well basically I started writing this post because I wanted to let y'all know that my exams officially ended yesterday after my psychology's practical. The practical I had no idea about and stuff I was going to experiment & write down on paper.

I don't understand science 99% of the time, I'm 200% an artsy person. Biology, physics & chemistry have always been a nightmare because I. Don't. Get. A. Single. Thing. Psychology still looks interesting to me but I don't fancy it very much. I was given 6 practicals and I ended up preparing for 2 only because I couldn't bear it anymore.

I am glad I didn't. 

I knew only one thing: I'll do my best because I know I can even though I don't have much idea about other practicals and god knows which one of those practicals will come in the paper. Or viva. Or how the invigilator will behave. I didn't cry. I wasn't upset. Or worried. I just took a moment and breath, told myself that it's only for a few marks and it wouldn't really affect my result if it doesn't go very well. And in that moment, I freed myself. I didn't care because I don't have to answer this to anyone, my result is for me. I didn't care because I know what I'm doing, I'm relaxing because I've been tired of exams and shit for years. I've always cared too much about some pieces of paper that it hurt. I didn't care because I'm young and I'll make it.


The practical went great, the paper was great, viva went great, the invigilator was so humble that I was jumping with happiness. EVERYTHING FELT UNREAL. Finally I'm done with my first magical year of college and it's been the finest. I made friends that adore me, I've teachers that have faith that I can do whatever I try, I have found freedom in little things and the route that leads to my college. And in this life, caring about what could have gone wrong or worries that could spoil a good mood don't get to have a part in it.

After a great day, we went to eat to have a taste of freedom. Isn't my best friend the cutest.

 And it's proven she's my best friend when her mother bought us food. A very happy meal for a very happy person. 

Just live a little.

And the summer break starts.


  1. I have to agree with you 100%. I have exams and A Levels has just made me numb about everything. And I don't know if that's actually a good thing, hahaha! I'm a Humanities girl, I can't do Sciences at all. I think you summed up everything perfectly <3

    xx Bash | Bash Says Hey | bloglovin'

  2. Congratulations on finishing your exams! Enjoy your summer :)


  3. Wow! Congatz, enjoy summer, enjoy your soon-to-be-birthday and try to relax more honey! <3

  4. At least exams are over now! Enjoy your weekend!

  5. Aw, I feel ya! was never good with maths, barely passed it in highschool. :( I am, fortunately, better with sciences though if I try hard enough. Arts come to me more naturally than anything else. Enjoy your freedooommm. You deserve it~


  6. Aram se jawab q nai de dety tum??

  7. Wow! Congats on your final Azadi.


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