13 May 2015

Last Night I Was A Loser - A Zine

This "last night" happened on 9th May, almost midnight when I was losing my shit. Bad thoughts are monsters that eat your positive vibes and leave you shallow inside. The thing was, I felt like a loser. A person who's losing everything she created, words losing meanings, poems aren't rhyming, blank pages staring at me, exams dates screwing up my mental condition, damn the flaws looked perfect enough to hurt me. 

Thanks to this beautiful human being Jacky who pushed me upwardsfrom this dark hole of self doubt. Words matter and she's so fine to talk with when something's like comparisonofabitch (I mean, comparison) is messing up with your head.

I love creating new things, fixing old things to keep them around, joining to things to get something new from it and when I am not doing anything creative, I lose my mind. Things that happen during exams. no time for creativity so I felt like I fell down from a place I used to belong. Cheesy enough, I hope someone, somewhere on the planet get the feels and whisper to herself that THIS HAPPENS. I couldn't help myself from saving my head being exploded into so many tiny pieces of myself.

Then there comes a cure, as I see it, #MayMakers, proudly presented by Jacky. She's a creative gem tbh. So I made myself a zine,just to remember I was a loser somewhere in middle of the night and I came back to the bitch-I-still-am-fab-and-creative phase.

So I'm taking part in #MayMakers and create some art that would keep my head up.

Here comes the zine that saved my sanity. This whole zine is made of words that matter to me, bad font, uneven pages and feelings I wanted to burst into.
Introduction to the zine.

The whole wicked page content.

Just some welcoming visual art. My personal favorite is NONONONONONONONONO.

Don't hurt yourself means don't pressurize yourself too much to become EVERY FRIGGIN THING YOU LOVE. Take time, do one thing at a time, breathe, leave things that you can't do for a while and figure out how to do them instead of doing them immediately and killing yourself. Be one hero at a time, you can't save everyone. Be a mermaid or a pirate, they're changed in nature, it'll take time to be someone you're not but you would love to be. Be patient and kind to yourself for things you want to do.

Figure out what you're and where you're standing right now.

COMPARISONOFABITCH. Basically,comparison is actually son of a bitch. It usually tells you you're not good enough and you should see what others have and what YOU DON'T HAVE. Telling yourself that others are better is toxic. Babe, you're bright enough to be a superwoman. 

Note: Love people for their passion.

When people talk about their passion with a spark in their eyes or the feeling blazing through their words, it feels great to be around them.

And my poetic skills

You are better than your bad thoughts,
And the projects you can't complete,
You're defined by how many times you flew,
Not by how many times you fell on the street.

When in doubt, just do a thing that makes you feel alive.

That's all about my zine. 

I felt x100 times better after this little zine came into being. Words and art are magic together, trust me.

How words or art helps you?


  1. Ok so this looks like a really cool way of journaling/expressing yourself! What is a zine, though?

  2. I love your zine! Words are definitely of great help especially during those time I feel sad or depressed!


  3. Oh Areeba! YOu are def. not a looser! But you and I are....related somewhere down the line, I feel! Haha... I cannot tell you how many times I have felt soooo depressed since living with her, that I wouldn't even get out of bed! It was only for a day or so, but ya know, when it hits ya, it hits ya! You feel like a looser, that going blind slowly, was your fault, you're keeping your family here with the mil. Yes, I have been there, and done that! And still, it creeps up on me like a beast sometimes, and when she is "yelling at me," I just envision myself punching her in the face! And one of my FAV. quotes! "It's not the load that defines us, it's how we carry it!" So yeah, go ahead and let her act like a dam child by yelling hollering and screaming! I cannot let it affect me anymore! I'd like to think I'm more than that! But like you said in your previous post; even the nastiest people are lessons learned. So keep in mine; you my friend, are nor a looser! I know where you come from though, because I have been there! It's not a pretty place to be! But you are such a cool person and way more creative than I could ever be! You are awesome!

  4. This is gorgeous: I love your zine! (Still not sure what that is haha) but oooh it looks too cool to be true! :) Your handwriting is amazing!

    And you are definitely not a loser! Believe in yourself and happy to hear that you're back in 'bitch-I-still-am-fab-and-creative' mode. ;)

    x Cloudy.

  5. I think you are so talented this is incredible, and I agree only losers are the ones who never try again! If you are trying you don't suck xxx


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